The Story of Leaving My Father’s House

I have been doing men’s work since 1986, being in a men’s circle almost continuously. I have learned an extraordinary amount about my maleness and the masculine within me. As part of an international men’s educational and training organization, I have been able to share this inquiry with other men, as all of us come to a deeper understanding of what it means to be a man in this culture in this time.

Yet I also know that my wholeness depends on my ability to integrate all parts of me, those aspects that I see outside myself that I judge or misunderstand. And this is no more apparent than in how I, and I believe most men, relate to women and the feminine. For a very long time, I have been consciously seeking this integration … in order to live in harmony with my partner, to model this for our 2 sons, and to bring this gender consciousness to my work in the world. My mission is to end misogyny in my lineage.

In 1993, I read a book by Marion Woodman, a Jungian analyst from Toronto entitled “Leaving My Father’s House”. It focused on 3 women who come to terms with their own deep feminine by healing their issues with the patriarchy. The book moved me deeply, and I realized that my own gender healing could not be complete until I could come to terms with the patriarchal voice that lives within me. I knew that ‘leaving my father’s house’ was my own personal work.

In 1998, I found myself in pursuit of a deeper understanding of the Sacred Feminine. I traveled to the Arizona desert and did a vision quest. After 3 days, I was blessed with a visitation, where She showed me many things about women and the true nature of the dance between men and women. I returned home, intent on creating a body of work to further my own deep healing. I asked a number of men if they would be interested in participating in this work with me. Only 1 man, my dear friend Jim Coleman, said yes. Together, we began to write and design a program for women, to help them heal their issues with men, boys, and the masculine, through examining their relationship with Father, both personal and the Patriarchal. The result was a workshop and naturally we
called it “Leaving My Father’s House”. Quite synchronistically, Marion came to town on a speaking tour for her new book, so I took the opportunity to see her and share the work that we were doing. A most gracious lady…she gave me her blessing. I knew my calling was right on target. We offered our first workshop in October of 1998.

Jim and I talked to many women, including our own wives, to solicit feedback on our thinking, on our context and protocols, and especially on the assumptions we had made about women and the trajectory of their healing with the masculine. Having not worked previously with many women, we had a very sharp and unsettling learning curve. I am so very grateful to the women who trusted me, for indeed they could sense that I was sincerely in pursuit of a larger planetary healing for all men and women.

Our wives were in full support of the work, and my gratitude to my Beloved Mignon is enormous. I could never have done the healing … for myself, for us, and for others … without her love and blessing and trust. I have been privileged to midwife many women into a new power that consciously challenges themselves, the men in their lives, and the patriarchy that lives in all of us.

Jim and I ran 28 workshops in 39 months. The last training we offered was in December 2001 in Seattle. There were many reasons why we could not sustain the work, among them was our inability to find enough men to help us move it forward. Nevertheless, I have long held it in my heart to resume this important work. My intent remains resolute.

Women, especially women in the workplace, are the true warriors of our time. Their struggle is immense, the seduction of masculine power is compelling, the pressure to retain the status quo is enormous. The very qualities that women despise in men are often the very qualities that establish a woman’s success in the world. Truly, the Patriarchy takes no prisoners. There are a growing number of male voices out there in favor of women’s power, yet men still imagine that it comes at the expense of male power. Perhaps this is true. However, the Sacred Feminine is here to bring compassion, balance, harmony and equality to our planet. She is here to partner with the Sacred Masculine, and together to confront the voice of the Patriarchy. I believe our planetary survival
depends on it.

Today, I offer the return of the Leaving My Father’s House workshop. Soon, I will also offer a workshop for men around Integrating The Feminine. The gender healing work continues.