As part of a men’s organization, I continued to witness the unconscious behaviors reminiscent of previous men’s groups…sports, politics, business, and sex.  In all my years in gender work, I have consciously taken on the mission of doing my part to bring an end to patriarchy and misogyny.  It is my task to articulate and model a healthy masculine conscious that is in right relationship to the feminine, in an honoring and non-hierarchical way.  I practice that in my marriage, I model it for my 2 sons, and I bring it to the men’s trainings that I lead.

In 1998, I found myself in pursuit of a deeper understanding of the Sacred Feminine.  I traveled to the Arizona desert and did a vision quest.  After 3 days, I had a visitation where She showed me many things about women and the true nature of the dance between men and women.  I returned home and began to write and design a program for women to help them heal their issues with their men and the masculine, through examining their relationship with their fathers.  The result was a workshop entitled “Leaving My Father’s House”.

Many years before, I had read Marion’s Woodman’s book of the same name, about 3 women who come to terms with their own deep feminine by healing their issues with the patriarchy.  Not coincidentally, Marion came to town on a speaking tour for her new book, so I took the opportunity to see her and share the work that I was doing.  A most gracious lady…she gave me her blessing.  I knew my calling was right on target.

Working with women is very different than working with men.  Having not worked with many women before, I had a very sharp and unsettling learning curve.  I am so very grateful to the women who trusted me, for indeed they could sense that I was sincerely in pursuit of a larger planetary healing for all men and women.

My wife was in full support of my work, and that meant a lot to me.  I could never have done the healing … for myself and others … without her love and blessing and trust.  I have been privileged to midwife many women into their feminine power that consciously challenges men and the patriarchy that lives in all of us.

Women in the workplace are the true warriors of our time.  Their struggle is immense, the seduction of masculine power is compelling, the pressure to retain the status quo is enormous.  The very qualities that women despise in men are often the very qualities that establish a woman’s success.  There are not many male voices out there in favor of women’s power, for the temptation is to imagine that it comes at the expense of male power.  But that is not the case:  the true feminine is here to bring compassion, balance, harmony and equality to our planet.

In these tribes, the young boys would sleep in the huts or houses with the women.  When the boys reached the age of 8 or 10 or 12, the older men would come to the houses in the middle of the night, and steal the boys away from the mothers.  The women would put up a mock resistance, yelling and crying and pleading with the men not to take their little boys.  But after the men had taken the boys away, the women would laugh and chat and drink tea and smoke.  The little boys that remained would be very confused.

The fathers, grandfathers, uncles, cousins, and older boys were all part of this grand design.  They would take the young initiates into the mountains or the forest or the jungle or the desert and teach them the ways of the tribe.  The boys would be steeped in the mythology of the culture, listening to the stories of their collective past.  The men would teach the boys how to use the tools and weapons that were vital to the survival of the tribe.  They would learn about the animals and the plants…how to hunt, how to listen and learn from the natural environment.  They would teach them the songs, the technologies, and the ways of men.  They would teach them about women, about men’s and women’s bodies, and how to treat women and children.  The boys were asked to perform some kind of heroic deed, and their survival was not always guaranteed.  They would feel pain and great discomfort.  Each boy would be left alone at night and have to fight for his survival.  He would often come face to face with his own animal spirit.  When he returned, all the men would celebrate.  It was weeks, months, or maybe even a year that the boy did not see a female.  Upon his return, the mothers would grieve the loss of the boy and welcome the return of the man.  Each young man would know his rightful place in the tribe.

Over the years, with the development of modern and post-modern culture, men have lost this essential rite of passage.  Boys grow up without the active involvement of older men.  Fathers spend very little time with their sons, and even when they do, there is no real transmission of ancient wisdom and soulful material.  The father himself is lost, for he was not initiated either.  A man cannot teach what he has not himself learned, and so we have lost boys seeding lost boys.  Men pay a dear price for this loss, the sons pay the price, and it continues over the generations.  And the sad thing is, most men don’t even know it.

The old masculine ethic of hiding one’s vulnerability I learned in the street, but my tender side was always looking for an outlet.  I came of age in the 60’s with the feminist revolution, and learned to trust women with my feelings.  But something was still missing.  I participated in men’s groups in the 70’s and early 80’s, but all we talked about was sports, politics, business, and sex.  Same old stuff…

In the mid 80’s, I participated in the New Warrior Training Adventure, and finally discovered my own Sacred Masculine, the part of me that could be fierce yet tender, powerful yet vulnerable.  This was a whole new territory for me, something I had been looking for my entire life.  Finally, I began to feel whole and balanced.

I have been leading and facilitating men’s work for more than 20 years.  I have witnessed thousands of men find their deep masculine soul in a grounded way.  Men are learning the practical tools of relating to women through a powerful vulnerability, finding the language to express what they truly feel, and to really listen with the heart.  We are discovering a whole new power in their relationships with women, not a controlling power over, nor an abdicating power under, but an empowerment based on respect and equality and honoring the differences.

Men in business are learning to use their power consciously, to be awake to the old traps of male politics and economic power, to resolve conflicts in a peaceful and successful manner.  I believe the challenge is for men to flatten the hierarchy by having the courage to show their own vulnerability, to discover true Sacred Masculine Leadership, and the real power that is centered in the Heart.